The Face We Hide: A Second-Marriage Prenup Story
Names have been changed to protect the innocent and details below are a fictional composite, created to illustrate situations family law attorneys commonly see.
Daniel and Samantha were both in their fifties when they got engaged. Both had been through divorces. Both had grown children. And both, though neither had said it out loud, were carrying a quiet worry.
Daniel owned a home he’d bought years before he met Samantha, along with a retirement account he’d spent decades building. He’d always pictured it going to his two daughters. Samantha had a smaller nest egg and a house of her own, and she wanted it to pass to her son someday.
Neither wanted to bring it up. Daniel was afraid a prenup would sound like he didn’t trust her. Samantha was afraid that asking about money would put a chill on something that felt so good. So each kept that worry tucked away, the side of themselves that they take out when everyone is gone. The strain and weigh of this decision affected the relationship and weighed heavily on both of them.
The conversation that changed things
It was Samantha who finally said it. “I want my son to have what I leave behind. Is that wrong?”
Daniel exhaled. “I’ve been thinking the exact same thing about my girls.”
That was the turning point. They weren’t protecting themselves from each other. They were each trying to take care of the people they loved most, and for the first time they were being honest about it. They came to our office together to put it in writing. To craft language that was tailor made for their unique situation. They were finally taking the reins and steering the ship.
What they were really worried about
Daniel and Samantha’s concerns are some of the most common we hear from clients entering a second marriage:
Leaving an inheritance to their own children. Without a plan, assets can end up passing to a new spouse, and from there to that spouse’s children, not to the children you intended to provide for. In most cases if you do not have a Pre-Nuptial agreement, the separate property that you worked hard to acquire will start accruing marital interests and you will lose the ability to dictate where it goes.
Keeping separate property separate. Property you owned before the marriage can lose its separate character over time. Mixing funds, adding a spouse’s name to a title, or using marital money to maintain or improve an asset can all turn separate property into marital property.
A well-drafted prenuptial agreement can address both. It can identify what each person is bringing into the marriage, spell out how it will be treated, and document each person’s wishes for what happens if the marriage ends, or when one spouse passes away. It is a way to label property and assets as separate property and thereby excluding them from the rules establishing how marital property would be divided.
It’s not about distrust
Daniel and Samantha would tell you the prenup wasn’t the end of romance. It was the first time they’d been completely candid with each other about what mattered. They shared their finances, discussed their families, and went into the marriage with no unspoken assumptions. What could be more romantic than planning your life together and being able to protect the ones that you love and allowing them the freedom to protect the ones they love. They would laugh about how they each carried around an identical worry separately. They would marvel at the fact that by blurting out their true feelings that they were able to reach a new honesty and new closeness. That calm spread through the family.
Is a prenup right for you?
If you’re planning a second (or third) marriage, you probably have more to protect and more people you care about than you did the first time around. A prenup is one of the simplest ways to make sure your wishes are honored, and it’s far easier to put one in place before the wedding than to untangle things later.
Every situation is different, and a prenup should be tailored to yours. Schedule a consultation with Armstrong Graham, our family law attorney, today. We will listen to what matters most to you and help you build a plan that protects it.
*This article is intended for informational purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice. Individuals involved should consult with legal professionals for specific guidance tailored to their circumstances.
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